Crucible Letter

December 18, 1695

Dear John,

I can only hope that, through some unnatural manner, this letter reaches you, wherever you may be. I miss you so much. I cannot relay within the mere confines of script how much it hurts to wake up each morning and not see you up and leaving to tend the fields. I just needed a reprieve, John. I pray that this letter will be enough.

I have been thinking about where exactly you have gone to. What is it like in Paradise? I know such a saint as you could not go anywhere else but the pearly white gates of St. Peter himself. It took a while for me to truly grasp the magnitude of what you did. I did not have the strength to leave my bedside for the first few weeks after that day. That left me time to think. I know now that you did not die for you. If you had given the court their confession like they wanted, you would have forsaken all those who died before you. If you had lived, everything they died for would be a lie. I know that now, even if I could not for the life of me figure it out before. It makes it less painful. I am just so sorry you are not here.

The boys are doing fine. They miss their father, I can tell. I do not know whether the news has even really gotten to them, yet. It is just not the same for them. I doubt your passing has affected them as much as it has me, but it is simply different. The Corey boys help me to care for them. Our newest is beautiful. She is a girl—Jane—named after you. She looks so much like you, John. I cannot look to her without seeing you there too. I wonder how things would be different if you were here with her. Her laugh is precious.

I miss you, John. I do not know whether I have said that enough. It is mighty hard raisin these children without you here to help me. I am so sorry you died. Even worse, I do not even know whether you died knowing how much I still love you. I have to live with the fact every day I still have to breathe. The only thing keeping me going is Jane and the boys. I know I need to be strong for them, but you were my strength. The noose weakened me beyond what any fatigue could. Wherever you are John, I know you are watching over me, because I am looking up to you. I love you always and forever.
Your wife,

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